So, I was traumatized yesterday.

We were playing pool (badly, in my case) at some bar that was supposed to represent the seedy underbelly (or C.D Underbelly, ala drunk Moti) of Gainesville, and I was informed (not for the first time), that I was 'prettier' than Miss Holly Stillman.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a good looking guy (really, that's so true it's almost analytic). But 'pretty' is just a shot of lethal, lethal estrogen into my system. And while I know I'm cleaner (obviously) than this particular dirty burpin', fartin' hippie girl, that really isn't saying much.

I hereby submit, for your judgement, dear Reader, the following:


























Holly versus Jared. Who's prettier? Let the crowd decide.



n.b. This is not a battle of awesomeness. If it was that, Wolv.. uh.. I, would win, hands down.

p.s. Random Brian quote: Cameron Diaz is the only reason why I'm not gay.

Dum dee dum.

So it's Labor Day over here, which means I get to skip Logic and Neuroscience. And here I am blogging instead of writing my paper.

So apparently my roommates hate me. I know this because, several times, they tell me, "Jared, we hate you." I know it sounds paranoid, but I really think it's true. The primary reason is because I have been starting on papers way before they're due, whereas my hippie roommates are starting pretty much the day before they're due. So I'm usually done with the paper before they start. And then I gloat and I taunt them by doing my Taunting Dance in front of them. After they recover from their throes of laughter, that's when they tell me they hate me.

In other news, I'm just discovered that I have royal blood. I am Prince Jared of Dalaam, an Heir to the throne, a man of Mu, a warrior, a lover, a poet, a monk and a hot piece of ass.

I've been watching way too much MTV recently. My hippie roommates are both obsessed with MTV. Their slack-jawed adulation of the Channel of Satan has, however, a strange pull, and I find myself drawn into the whirlpool, much as a young boy may be drawn into the strange pull of a strange man offering strange candy. Then, much like the young boy, I find myself with a very sore ass afterwards. Luckily, also like that young boy, I have repressed all such memory. La la la. Yes, the Gators won against Southern Mississipi. GO GATORS!

So, several things you must know about the Gators:

1) They were the origin of Gatorade. That's right, that drink you know and love (in most unusual ways, I must say) started right here at the University of Florida, home of the Gators.

2) They have this really cool hat on sale at the bookstore. It's a green thing, with jaws that protrude from your face, to look like a gator. It's awesome, and I want one.

3) The official hand gesture for cheering on a Gator team involves extending your arms, one near the top of your face, the other at your jaw, and then opening and closing them, to look like the jaws of an alligator. Imagine a stadium of 30,000 people all doing that. Makes my happiness glands tingle just thinking about it.

4) Gators eat babies. I eat babies. I heart Gators.


Oh, back to talking about MTV. So, I've been watching Flavor Flave, and Next. In case you, dear Reader, are not conversant with MTV, prepare for your education.

Flavor Flave involves something like 20 mostly ugly women, trying to win the favor of a really ugly man., namely, Flavor Flave. They're bitchy, and mean, and fat, and it's hilarious.

Next involves moderately hot people, sometimes. So, you have 4 girls, and 1 guy (or the other way round). One at a time, the girls approach the guy and try to get him to like them. At any point, he can send them away by yelling "Next!" at which point the next of the 4 girls show up. My roommate and I have agreed that the funniest people are gay people, and black people. Or gay black people.


In keeping with the somewhat random nature of this entry, I will end off with a verse from the Ali G show:

Throw the Jew down the well,
So my country can be free!
You must grab him by the horns,
Then we'll have a big party.